A “Cold Bear” Report?

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. This is just a silly idea I had this morning, as a subject line to parody… Stephen Colbert. Hence, the rest of this article you’ll have to read by clicking on the “Full Article” link.

According to Wikipedia (which must be true) and its article on Stephen Colbert the character,

“Despite his bluster, Colbert’s character also demonstrates a notable phobia of bears, which he refers to as “godless killing machines without a soul”.

O’Reilly? (Err, Oh’Really?)

Here’s what I want to do. I want to make fun of Stephen Colbert (the character) and his aversion to bears by punning on his name’s pronunciation. I want to do so in so outrageous a fashion that he ends up inviting one or two people involved with the joke onto his show to publicly lambast them over it (in-character). I don’t necessarily have to be one of those people.

The Rules:

  1. Only the character of Stephen Colbert is attackable. No personal attacks on Stephen Colbert the actor.
  2. Be family-friendly, please. Save the raunch dressing for when you’re actually paid to do stand-up comedy. Besides, bears are a rare-enough subject where we don’t need bathroom jokes. (I know, I’m proposing we go after a Comedy Central show, and they’re not always family-friendly. Deal with it.)
  3. Please use the TrackBack feature (and preferably comment to this blog entry) about whatever jokes you come up with. I’d like to know about them, but I don’t want to be held responsible for the content.
  4. Disclaimer: I personally work for ManyOne Networks, Inc., which may be a competitor to Wikipedia. Wikipedia is not the subject of this joke, so please don’t abuse them or what they provide to the community. (In other words, I am deliberately not suggesting making a billion edits to someone’s Cold Bear Report page on Wikipedia.)
  5. I reserve the right to amend these rules as I see fit with no notice. Sorry, but I want this to be a good-natured tease about The Colbert Report. You are of course at liberty to disregard these rules and do whatever you want; just don’t blame me for whatever happens.

4 thoughts on “A “Cold Bear” Report?”

  1. Sure he’s cold. He’s mostly hairless.
    Heck, quite a few native americans would confirm bears as being humans in fur coats.

  2. >Only the character of Stephen Colbert is >attackable. No personal attacks on Stephen Colbert >the actor.
    So getting this lead pipe was premature?

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